To John:

John, I agree a lot with what Montana has said, and I too have an annotated copy of your play to give you at some point. The story was a little confusing to me. Part of this might have had to do with the fact that my formatting (copied/pasted off of your blog post) wasn't as clear as scripts normally are (obviously that is not a fault in your play, so don't worry about that). However, I think that Montana's comment to give the characters names would help to clear up the story line a little bit more.

Actually, now that I think about it, it wasn't necessarily the story that I thought was confusing; I was confused by the rules of this world you've created. What exactly is the hierarchy here? What is the guild? Who is the count and why does the father feel that the count has such powers?

You've taken a huge story and condensed it into a few pages. I'm definitely interested in the story; I want to hear it, but I'm not finding it believable yet. I think that your play will benefit from some character work. Maybe you can ask yourself questions about each character to try and get to know them better? Giving them names, at least, will certainly help.